Wednesday, October 28

I don't know how to start. This stuff has embedded for a long time in my heart, my soul. It scratch my feelings and how i feel is like eating chocolates with bitter-gourd. Oh God. It still there. The sweetness but at the same time, shitty feelings mixed with it.

I can deal with it. I can control myself. 


Not all the time. I am human, sometimes uncontrollable.  

Friends. They're everywhere. When we need them, when we don't need them. My life tradition, i need a friend. A good one that i can share my stories, my ice cream or my penicillin. But then, am being dumped as their friend.

For some reasons, like, they already have a special one or they got a new friend.

In my case, I have a very lovely friend once. ONCE, For 2 semester i knew her, be by her side, and vice versa, we never apart from each other. We need each other. Then on the 3rd semester, she gained some new sissy and slowly, left me. And my life going dull. Seeing them so close, so cute to be friends, yes i am jealous. 

For her reason that she told her boyfie (her boyfie also my bestie), she felt lonely because i'm always out with my boy. But hey, if u in my shitty shoes, would you do the same? 

She having pizza without me, rarely talk to me. Where i should expressing my feelings? I have no other bestie except her. So i'm out with my boyfie or some other friends to heal my self. 

You know what? For me, boyfie and best friend are 2 different stuff. 

Many people passing my journey. Many of them be my friend, but never stay. 

Now, i realized that, its better to be some dumbass a loner than hang out in a bunch of fucking fake friends. 

Moving on with my life like nothing has happened. 

If you always alone, don't be sad. God always be with you. :)