Hello to the hell and O!

So hey you there. The one who's reading my post here. Yeah you! Are you reading it alone or there's someone behind you? If its human, its fine. But if not, I'm sorry, I can't help it.

Well, some superstitious people will freak out. Damn it right? But you know? There's something gonna follow you everywhere. Even when you're asleep, they be there. What? Scared?

I wanna ask you. What do you usually think before going to bed? Your problems? Really? Dig that in the ground and covered it with soil then put some gravestone on it.

But, the things that you just bury gonna awaken again. It never die unless you're death or strong enough to put it aside or you're just read a mantra to lock it in there. Creepy? Nope.

Smile creatures, if you know what i mean.

Darkness surrounds you, as you are cornered in a box of your own schizophrenic fear.

I've lost it all.

My heart now senseless.

My feelings are gone.

Barely able to breath,

I'm trying to gasp the air,

With all what I've got now,

To survive.

My inner side has fly,

Away to the sky,

And never pass by...

Anyone because i'll cry.

The music aren't stop playing,

The lyrics keep stabbing,

The bass beating my ears.

Oh!

I wish i was in some nightmare...

Wake up with nothing there,

So that myself can be strong,

And not being in despair.

Keep walking,

Moving forward,

Catching a glimpse of the oldies,

Live the present.

Its my bad. I've told him what i shouldn't. I've cracked the whole thing. How do i start again?

I hate being an honest person. Seriously, it so bad like hell gonna explode. I donno to whom i want to share this thing. To myself, the one that suffering to bear this stuff for a long time. Friends were long gone. 

I don't know how to smile.

I just know how to fake it.

I don't want to lose it.

But I have to let it fly.

I want you.

A day without you,
feels like a day without love.

A day without you,
Can make me miserable.

A day without you,
Makes me angry,
Makes me sad.

A day without you..

I hate it.
I hate it so much.
I want you to be by my side,
always.

Why?
Today you're gone,
Without saying good bye,
or even any last word?

Fuck you dear internet plan data.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

HUMAN ERROR

 Human error,
Created by you,
Affecting us,
Rioting the world.

Why it seems so massively complicated to behave ourself,
dear human?

Can we live peacefully ?
Without those errors?

I don't think so.

The yin yang might unbalanced.
Black and white must go together.

...

Like trashes flowing smoothly in the river.

I don't know how to start. This stuff has embedded for a long time in my heart, my soul. It scratch my feelings and how i feel is like eating chocolates with bitter-gourd. Oh God. It still there. The sweetness but at the same time, shitty feelings mixed with it.

I can deal with it. I can control myself. 

But...

Not all the time. I am human, sometimes uncontrollable.  

Friends. They're everywhere. When we need them, when we don't need them. My life tradition, i need a friend. A good one that i can share my stories, my ice cream or my penicillin. But then, am being dumped as their friend.

For some reasons, like, they already have a special one or they got a new friend.

In my case, I have a very lovely friend once. ONCE, For 2 semester i knew her, be by her side, and vice versa, we never apart from each other. We need each other. Then on the 3rd semester, she gained some new sissy and slowly, left me. And my life going dull. Seeing them so close, so cute to be friends, yes i am jealous. 

For her reason that she told her boyfie (her boyfie also my bestie), she felt lonely because i'm always out with my boy. But hey, if u in my shitty shoes, would you do the same? 

She having pizza without me, rarely talk to me. Where i should expressing my feelings? I have no other bestie except her. So i'm out with my boyfie or some other friends to heal my self. 

You know what? For me, boyfie and best friend are 2 different stuff. 

Many people passing my journey. Many of them be my friend, but never stay. 

Now, i realized that, its better to be some dumbass a loner than hang out in a bunch of fucking fake friends. 

Moving on with my life like nothing has happened. 

If you always alone, don't be sad. God always be with you. :)